How to Find ‘Microjoys’ When Everything Is Bad and You’re Not OK – Lose Weight in Your Hips

Each month, the SELF Well-Read Book Club highlights a timely, delightful, and crucial book on a subject that helps readers live better lives. So far, we’ve covered everything from the politics of running to the state of modern motherhood. This month we’re reading Cyndie Spiegel’s Microjoys: Finding Hope (Especially) When Life Is Not Okay. Here, read an exclusive excerpt from Spiegel’s book, where she provides a brief introduction to the concept of “microjoys”—and begins to explain how they take hold in everyday life. Learn more about this month’s pick here—and stay tuned for more details on how to watch a special conversation between Spiegel and Rachel Wilkerson Miller, SELF editor in chief, on March 27 at 1 p.m. EST.

Deep in my bones, I know loss. 

I’ve only ever known impermanence. It taught me that though life may be fleeting and fragile, it is equally stunning and profound in its precariousness. What is here today may not be tomorrow; loss and grief are simply layers of a life—a life lived.

I also know the ache of belly laughter, the potential of positive thinking, the pleasure of good company, and the delight in choosing hope. And by virtue of all of this, I’ve come to deeply understand the necessity of microjoys.

Here, you’ll find a short introduction to the concept I call “microjoys,” including what they are, where they come from, and how to use them. 

Why are they called microjoys? 

Microjoys aren’t small. Instead, they are easily accessible, and they don’t require that we reach too far from where we are (in any moment) to discern them. They’re called microjoys because seeking any semblance of great joy in the midst of sorrow simply wasn’t accessible to me when going through the most difficult things.

During this time, the bare minimum that I could manage was to identify momentary insights and beauty in daily occurrences as I noticed them. But I could not reach for anything larger or further than that. Regardless of what life may toss our way, in the midst of busyness, microjoys grant us permission to seek out tiny, beautiful things without guilt or having to stretch to access them. We all deserve such grace.

Microjoys are different than happiness. 

Happiness, though appealing, is a fleeting outward expression of what we feel, while microjoys are internal. They are immediately attainable, intentional, and deliberate—transcending temporary circumstances to buoy us. With practice, microjoys become a way of living, an alternative to toxic positivity and the cynicism of the everyday. They teach us that all things are fleeting but we can still be grounded in what is possible, joyful, and true.         

You don’t have to experience death, or any great loss, to pursue microjoys. 

They, unto themselves, will give you the ability to appreciate what is and the perspective to witness goodness, even in the unkindest of days. (Because those, too, will happen).

I did not create microjoys. 

This is simply the name I chose to identify what is already our birthright. Microjoys are present so that you may find the capacity to walk through each day with more wisdom, deep acceptance, and a semblance of happiness, too. Microjoys exist because you, regardless of your current circumstance, deserve to touch joy often. Even in the moments when you lack the perspective to reach very far to access it.

Microjoys are for everyone. 

Regardless of your culture, the color of your skin, socioeconomics, faith, sexuality, or gender. They exist for you as you are, right now.

They are always accessible. 

They exist despite the calm or the chaos that surrounds us. And our consistent recognition of their daily existence offers us both the distraction and the focus that we need to find momentary respite in most situations.

The more you acknowledge microjoys, the more prevalent they become. 

The more we consciously observe microjoys around us, the more quickly our brains begin to easily notice them. For instance, consider the joy of finding your favorite “lost” pen or the satisfaction of a fresh glass of water first thing in the morning. Or the happiness you feel when you run into a friend in a seemingly random place. Or the surprise of encountering a rainbow from the prism that hangs in your window. All of these are ordinary yet fleeting moments. Or are they?

Without the presence of mind to recognize them, these magical, everyday happenings can easily be perceived as ordinary, mundane, and irrelevant. The divine beauty in these subtle moments can flee from our memory as quickly as they arrived. What a missed opportunity that would be.

But when we acknowledge how we feel in these moments, they transform into incredible blessings that bring us joy that is firmly rooted in the present. The beauty is in their simplicity because they are the perceived mundane gifts of our daily existence, waiting to be recognized and seized. Right now. And learning how to embrace microjoys affords us the rare opportunity to get to know ourselves—and our own version of joy—more deeply. Consciously identifying and discerning microjoys is a sustainable, revolutionary act of deep wisdom and self‑kindness.

From Microjoys: Finding Hope (Especially) When Life Is Not Okay by Cyndie Spiegel, published by Penguin Life, an imprint of Penguin Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Random House, LLC. Copyright © 2023 by Cyndie Spiegel.